This is one of my favorite things to talk about: sex is good for you! Thought I’d share this fun article that came across my Apple news feed this morning. And while the title refers to orgasm specifically, remember that orgasm isn’t the goal of sex—pleasure is! And that focus on pleasure alone creates the benefits of #2 and #3 on this list indeed. Enjoy!
National Council on Independent Living (NCIL) Adopts Resolution Opposing Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA)
On July 21, 2021 the NCIL announced that it “opposes [ABA] in all its forms; and…supports the autonomy and freedom of people with autism to live and make individual choices without having their behavior controlled or colonized through therapeutic intervention or coercion.” In particular I appreciate the NCIL’s articulation of the fact that the practice of ABA puts individuals “at risk of believing they cannot say ‘no’ to a person when told to do something; and…the inability to say ‘no’ and to articulate one’s own needs and desires puts a person at risk of being abused or taken advantage of by others, especially by those in positions of power over them or by romantic partners.” Click the post title to read the full text of the resolution.
Accessible Sex: Pain During Penetration
I just learned about a new toy to add to my “accessible sex” toy resource list so, of course, I had to share it here! The Ohnut is a stretchy ring designed to be worn around the base of a penis or penetrative sex toy to limit the depth of insertion during penetrative sex. Adjustable depth, comes in two sizes, and made of an FDA-approved, body-safe polymer. BPA-, phthalate-, silicone-, and latex-free. Learn more on their product page or in this 40 second product video on YouTube.
"Comprehensive Sex Education for Youth with Disabilities: A Call to Action"
Check out this newly published report by SIECUS (Sexuality information and Education Council of the US).
While I appreciate much about this report, I especially appreciated this: “At least one in five Americans will have a disability in their lifetime, and almost all people will experience chronic pain, illness, or disability with age. Navigating sexuality with a disability is therefore a near-universal experience.” Yes! This is why, while it’s essential that we work to remedy the historical exclusion of PWD from sexuality education (at all age levels), we also need to change how we teach sex education to make our curriculum inclusive no matter who (we perceive) is in the room (IRL or virtual).
Click HERE to read the full report (39 pages).
Sex and Covid-19: Recommendations from the NYC Health Department
I think I have a crush on the NYC Health Department. <3
It pretty much says what you’d expect: the government is asking you not to leave the house, which means they recommend having sex with yourself or the sex partner(s) you live with. It also says a thing or two that may surprise you: since Covid-19 has been found in the feces of people who are infected, you could contract the virus via rimming (mouth on anus). Read the full document HERE.
But I just love that they wrote it (and in a well executed, sex ed approved, non-judgmental way). I mean, you know me, talking about how major life events impact our sexuality is my thing. And this pandemic is a major life event for all of us. So here’s some straightforward information about what that means for our sex lives right now.
They also published a document entitled “Coping with Stress During Infectious Disease Outbreaks,” which contains a great summary of the ways stress affects us physically, mentally, emotionally and behaviorally. If you need a reminder that suddenly not being able to remember anything, snapping at your partner, and eating more than usual are physiological, not “your fault,” and natural reactions to a stressful situation, check it out. And if you want to try TRE® to relieve some of that stress, check out TRE International’s free video teaching the exercises HERE or schedule an online intro session (currently 50% off) HERE.
A "Ten-Series" for Somatic Sex Education
Most of my clients come to me because something isn’t working for them erotically. But what if nothings “not working”… you just wonder…shouldn’t this be more fun?? Could there be more to sex and pleasure?
It should. And there is. Enter the ten-series, a comprehensive exploration of sexuality and pleasure.
Great Article About the "Wheel of Consent" on Kinkly.com
An overview of the 3-Minute Game and the quadrants of the wheel, plus some great quotes from Betty. Click the post title to go directly to the article.
Want to learn more about embodied consent and how the quadrants can inform a deeper understanding of your desires and preferences? I’d be honored to support you. Contact me for your free consultation.
"BDSM as a Tonic for Serious Illness," in Scientific American
“BDSM…can provide an unexpected tool kit for those faced with body-altering, life-changing, serious illnesses. These tools include redefinition, acceptance and connection.”
Yes! Sociologist Elizabeth Anne Wood beautifully and succinctly articulates the role our sexuality and sexual expression can play in navigating the experience of illness, a lesson she learned by witnessing the experience of her mother during kidney cancer and subsequent dialysis. I love so many things about this article and can’t wait to check our her recently published full length book entitled Bound: A Daugher, A Domme, and an End-of-Life Story.
Click the blog title to read the full article.
Thomas Talks About Coming Out. Twice.
I love this brief (13 minute) podcast episode hosted by Erica Heilman in conversation with Thomas Caswell. Check it out!
“Autism doesn’t describe a person. If you’ve met one person with autism, then you’ve met one person…with autism. But over the last couple years Thomas has been coming out of the closet, in stages. And along with the common difficulties of coming out, there are some special difficulties if you’re a person with a disability. In this show, Thomas talks about growing up with autism, and growing into his life as a gay man.”
Sex, Surgery and Scar Tissue Remediation
“We are truly in relationship to our body at all times—some of us consciously and some not so much. Regardless of our conscious connection, surgery and illness is a conflict in that relationship. It may compromise our trust in our body. We may be angry with our body. Thinking about our body may inspire nothing but tears and pain and grief. But like any relationship, if we desire to restore connection after a conflict, it takes effort. We reach out. We express our feelings. We forgive. And we get to know each other all over again, from this new place, because neither of us are quite the same.”
People need sexuality support after surgery and illness. This post talks about why and how.